mpathtowellbeing

Caregiving

THE HUMAN CONNECTION – click on the above image

LEARNING TO BALANCE EMPATHY and APATHY

Without a felt sense of caring, there can be no purpose, no motive to life other than the most basic…that of physical survival.  To be a human being is to care, to have meaning and purpose in life, and to respond to the call to action involving the subject of care.  A life without meaning, is scarcely a life worth living.  The more deeply we understand the role care has in our life, the more we come to realize it is a core facet of the human condition.  Care is a means of living in the world and of being connected with what we can and cannot do.

A primordial function of care is to facilitate the various facets of being human while cherishing it in all its imperfections, contradictions, and limitations.  Care, in particular solicitous care, is not without tension. The lifelong care of the human entails both an earthly bodily element that anchors us to this reality and a spiritual element that connects us to something more through extension.

Care calls attention to the subjective experience of those suffering and their need for relief through personal attention.  Concern, that is short of worry and anxiety, and care, as evidenced through actions grounded in due diligence in service of relieving pain and suffering, are cornerstones of the human experience.  Without care and concern, our actions would be muted.  We are all a product of care, and care is what makes us more fully human.

Nurturing care for another, as well as ourselves, is the means by which we make the world a better place.  This form of care helps us to go beyond contrary tendencies to want to be self-oriented.  We are able to connect to something outside of ourselves in a meaningful and heartfelt way.  We move out of the role of spectator and into one as a participant in the world of fact bridging the separation made apparent through each of us having a physical body.

Caring for the welfare of another helps us to overcome the dynamic of despair…both the care receiver and care provider.  As caregivers, through providing care, we often experience relief from the despair that comes when we witness someone we love suffer.  As Rollo May contends, ‘care makes possible the exercise of will and love.’  Moreover, a conviction that life has value and meaning directly relates to a feeling of being uniquely needed by someone or for some reason.  These aspects help to relieve the care provider of despair.

Caring requires devotion, trust, patience, humility, honesty, understanding the situation, respecting the process, and courage.  It involves surrender, vulnerability, and faith in an uncertain outcome as well.  Without care or concern, action would scarcely be possible.  However, as healing as being a caregiver is, it is important to understand there are aspects of the role we need to be aware of in order to maintain psychological equilibrium in the face of added responsibility.

Caring for another who is ill or dying is among the greatest privileges in life.  As meaningful and personally growth enhancing as it may be, it can sometimes result in our experiencing feelings and having thoughts that are not so healthy.  Fundamental to avoiding the undesirable effects of caring for another is engaging activities that foster self-care and not merely acknowledging that it is important to do so.

Those who become excellent caregivers.  Those who are totally committed, highly skilled and empathetically attuned to the needs of the patient or care receiver, tend to discount the danger associated with doing too much, refusing help from others, and not paying attention to their own inclination to self-isolate.  One overarching challenge of caregiving is taking on too much responsibility, doing to much, and believing a particular desired outcome will occur if we try hard enough.

It is important to be aware if you find yourself thinking along the lines of:

  • “I’m the only one he trusts.”
  • “I know want she needs.”
  • “My dad wants only me to help him”
  • “Nobody can care for her the way I am able.’

There is a tendency, especially with the primary caregiver, to over identify with their role, which can lead to a heightened sense of responsibility.  Caregiver burnout and caregiver guilt are very common among those who help others, which is a consequence of taking on too much responsibility and becoming enmeshed with the patient and their needs.  Anther danger is that once the caregiving role shifts or ends, there is a possibility that the caregiver will have a self-identity crisis of sorts and may experience a sense of emptiness and feelings of disorientation.  Sometimes, feeling relief from not having the responsibility of taking care of someone else can conflict with feelings of sadness and missing the deceased for example.  This can lead to guilt, ambivalence, and emotional confusion.

 

CAREGIVER SUPPORT

 

CAREGIVER RESOURCES – Several websites have a comprehensive list of links

 

SUPPORT GROUP MEETING  for Caregivers==> click [here]

For more resources click [here].  Scroll down to the Caregiving section